The Boring Ultimadumb

Bosom Bloggies Review
THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM
This Time He Goes Gay

Friday, August 3, 2007
Arclight Cinedome.
Capacity Crowd 811.

(warning: spoilers ahead)
Jason Bjorn is at it again. This dude needs to get over himself and get on with his job. It's always "Me, me, me. I need to find out who I am." You're a chisel chinned, meathead, killing machine living off tax payer money and you waste your time globe trotting, blowing up shit, and killing all sorts of innocent bystanders along the way. Not to mention knocking off a few of our other hard-working spies who actually do their jobs. Dude, James Bond would bend you over so fast.

Jason Bjorn: The hardest guy the CIA has ever had to track down. He's 9 hours ahead of everyone, yet he strolls the streets in plain daylight without even sporting a baseball cap. Nice disguise fuckin' slippery man, you haven't changed that black jacket and haircut in 3 years. Grow a mustache or something. Don't they teach you that on the 1st day of Spy 101?

Damn dude, what were you thinking pulling up on that Honda Spree like 5 feet behind Desh "The Asset" Obama, who btw clearly kicks way more ass than you. You outta be ashamed of yourself killing that guy with a handtowel. And come on, you fell for the decoy-bomb-bag-drop? That is the oldest trick in the book! Lucky you had help from little Miss "I'm a CIA agent with bad highlights." That bitch needs to drop the high heels, throw on a burka, and get with the program.

London, Madrid, Tangiers, New York. What the fuck? Are you gay? That chick was giving you bang me eyes right from the start. Hey Bjorn, can't handle a little swirly with bag over your head? Looks like your training wasn't much rougher than a frat house hazing. So what do we learn in the end? After all your bitching and whining, car chases and neck snapping, it was all your choice. You volunteered asshole. Suck it up.

How ya like them apples?
~jG and skeet