The Boring Ultimadumb

Bosom Bloggies Review
THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM
This Time He Goes Gay

Friday, August 3, 2007
Arclight Cinedome.
Capacity Crowd 811.

(warning: spoilers ahead)
Jason Bjorn is at it again. This dude needs to get over himself and get on with his job. It's always "Me, me, me. I need to find out who I am." You're a chisel chinned, meathead, killing machine living off tax payer money and you waste your time globe trotting, blowing up shit, and killing all sorts of innocent bystanders along the way. Not to mention knocking off a few of our other hard-working spies who actually do their jobs. Dude, James Bond would bend you over so fast.

Jason Bjorn: The hardest guy the CIA has ever had to track down. He's 9 hours ahead of everyone, yet he strolls the streets in plain daylight without even sporting a baseball cap. Nice disguise fuckin' slippery man, you haven't changed that black jacket and haircut in 3 years. Grow a mustache or something. Don't they teach you that on the 1st day of Spy 101?

Damn dude, what were you thinking pulling up on that Honda Spree like 5 feet behind Desh "The Asset" Obama, who btw clearly kicks way more ass than you. You outta be ashamed of yourself killing that guy with a handtowel. And come on, you fell for the decoy-bomb-bag-drop? That is the oldest trick in the book! Lucky you had help from little Miss "I'm a CIA agent with bad highlights." That bitch needs to drop the high heels, throw on a burka, and get with the program.

London, Madrid, Tangiers, New York. What the fuck? Are you gay? That chick was giving you bang me eyes right from the start. Hey Bjorn, can't handle a little swirly with bag over your head? Looks like your training wasn't much rougher than a frat house hazing. So what do we learn in the end? After all your bitching and whining, car chases and neck snapping, it was all your choice. You volunteered asshole. Suck it up.

How ya like them apples?
~jG and skeet

Operation Barry Bonds Balls Strategy Diagram

Barry Bonds' Balls

Tuesday, July 31, 2007. Dodger Stadium, Section 110, Row Y, seats 5-8. History will be made.

Operation Barry Balls Checklist:
mace
decoy balls
Greek fisherman's net
cop mustache and cop shades
binocs
duel foghorn
cutty sark flask w/maker's mark inside
stinkbombs
megaphone
baseball gloves



Dear Barry Bonds,
If you read this, please, for the love of God, for the love of all that is holy, for the love of your big ass meat head, pummel one over to section 110, Row Y, seats 5-8, and then pay us a million dollars to give it back.

Thank you,
Skeet, Sara Kaye, J.G. & Bethany

Moons over My Bloggy...

Clever title, no? Skeet thought it up, I laughed. We're bored, we being Skeet and I, I being J.G.. Tonight we conceived "BosomBloggies", and this is pretty much the first time in 17 years the two of us have ever collaborated on anything, so take that as something worth your while.

First time I've ever seen J.G. kinda sorta drunk. Yeah right now, on a Tuesday night. I think he's been drinking for several months now but honestly he doesn't really drink. He sips and coddles a beer for about an hour til its got about 1/4 empty and warm. Then he quits and says he's drunk as he stumbles into the Whambulance. But tonight man that motherfuckers drank a whole beer and a half. I'm quite impressed. Oops, I forgot he's spilled some of his beer chasing an Africanized cricket around the living room.

I'm blind...no wait, I mean drunk. The bible says that dinasaurs were created by God several thousand years ago, but I don't believe that. I think, therefore I blog. My mind is having a hard time focusing right now, it's sort of "waddling around", and I like it. Did I mention God created dinasaurs, cause he did. "I am the light, I am the way" ~Jesus Christ...Jesus Christ.

Did i mention jg is 33 years old.

And?

....and the beers are midget cans, 11.2oz. If I could get wasted that easily, my wallet would be much fatter these days.